Christians often think that with the Bible,
the course of life would be easy.

Life's road would be polished glitteringly and instantly,
when a person comes to Christ.

Difficulties that once appeared will flee insanely once one says 'I am a Child of God'.

Walking the Christian path would seemingly be like floating in cloud nine.
If this is not the case, why do Christians idolize the hobby (or ritual) known as Bible-bash?
Why do Christians immediately use the Word of God
when a friend comes to them with his or her troubles?
"Oh! The Bible says.."
"Oh! Jesus said..."
"Oh! Bless you with the Word of God!"
"Oh! Hallelujah!"

Sometimes people with sorrow and despair come to Christians
with the need of knowing that at least somebody, somebody on earth cared,
not somebody with the awesome knowledge of the Word of God
had the ability to judge a situation based on mere descriptions and preach frantically saying
God is your strength. He is your guide.

All empty words that fell the ground,
further breaking a shattered heart.

I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

We fear from telling everybody our fears and aches
because we fear they might turn their faces from us or tell us, "I told you so."
We fear that we might be lonelier, which is why we choose to endure the reality we consider better than the possibilities of being in more pain, more loneliness.

We have fallen in our own ways, eaten our own poison,
but what would life be without these hurts, these pains?
Would we learn how to kiss our scars and accept ourselves?
Would we learn how to appreciate ourselves?
Would we understand the meaning of pain and bliss?

I have this feeling that a depression never really leaves a person, it just subsides and stays in the dark for awhile waiting for the next, even the smallest things, to arise and feed its energy. That's when your head starts wandering around and your thoughts become preposterous.

Into my second week as full-time.
Stop thinkin abt time,
Stop carin abt days,
Basically, I just stop feeling.

Abilities bein doubt,
who wont?
Unfairness runs in every workin environment.
Either I let it hit me down,
or I whack the shit out of it.

Took Valium, doesnt seem to help though...
Sigh... I dont know.

Am gettin edgier...
Am frustrated abt work stuff...
Dunno what to do abt our communication...

Yes... am tired.
But... aint from work.
Tired of life...

26th July
Loves coffee.
Part-time lover.
Full-time friend.

Luv letter - Dj Okawari



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